Adult Blogger: BIG MOUTHFULS BIGMOUTHFULS.COM felt flattered, flustered, embarrassed. Incredibly, I felt amused, not by the absurdity of a young woman's approach to a middle-aged man, but at the vacuum of my forgetfulness, my inability to respond to her. How in the patterns of my life I'd forgotten what it felt like to be the object of another person's attraction, forgotten what to say, what to do.
But in time, as I regained my bearings, as I felt the chaos flutter to the ground, the thought that settled in me was blessed gratitude for clear skies, for a future, for happiness in this world, for Josie.
I remember hearing my voice, amazed at what it said, disembodied. I remember how gentle it sounded, how calm it was, so different from the scrambled chaos in my mind moments before.
I'd really like that too, Josie, I said.
My memories from that first lunch are pristine. Like the electric thrill when I first saw her again as she strode toward me, her face lit up with sparkling eyes, a confident, eager smile. Like her surprising slenderness when we hugged on the street. The profile of her face as she swept past me through the door, lovely. And her scent, the now familiar vanilla, as I helped her with her overcoat. I remember the casual stylishness of her clothes that day, the jeans, fitting well, not too tight. The cream-coloured, blousy, long-sleeved shirt, tucked in. The deep V at her throat, her lovely collarbones, the delicate gold chain. I remember the warmth I felt when she reached across the table to touch my forearm, emphasizing her words.
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